please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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