I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
