oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
