that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
