I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
