I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
