Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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