If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
