i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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