I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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