May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
