Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
