I wish I could teleport
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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