He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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