This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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