I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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