all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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