I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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