Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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