well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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