Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
