I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think people are normalizing furries
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
