Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
