If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
