I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am naked and annoyed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
