The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
