If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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