I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
