woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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