i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
