um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
