Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
