Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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