i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ladies don't puke and tell
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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