He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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