omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
