True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's never too late to be topless.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
