So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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