Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
