Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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