I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
