so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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