Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
