i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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