Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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