it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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