But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
