I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
