My nipple is on Facebook.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
