I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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