Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize