I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
