So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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