I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
