Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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