That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
