if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
