So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize