The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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