i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
