Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
