drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
