it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
