last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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