think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
