How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
