living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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