Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
