i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
