Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
