Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
