The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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