Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
