# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
