During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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