Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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