You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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