I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
