He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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