Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
