Will you blow on my dice?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
