my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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