I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
