Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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