Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
